Fear

This is my "desk" (or at least the old table I have all my paperwork piled on top of).

I think I need to clean it, what do you think? There are two major problems with tackling this project. The first one is one I always struggle with: I hate doing paperwork. Absolutely hate it. I'd rather clean the toilet, and that's saying something! The other problem is in something specific I have on my desk. Take a look. Can you guess what I am so afraid of? It is just a simple box:
I know it may surprise you, but that box absolutely terrifies me. I am so incredibly afraid of that box that I can't clean my desk because then I know I will have to face the box. What do you think could be in a box that would terrify me so? Tons of thank you cards. But, I'm not scared of the thank you cards. What scares me is the list that is tucked in with the thank you cards. It is a list of everyone I should have sent a thank you card to after my wedding. It is a very, very, long list. Full of people I love, people I know, and even some people I don't know, but each one was very gracious to me and deserves a loving, thoughtful note. Luckily, many of the names on the list are crossed out. I wrote tons of thank yous right after my wedding. I would work on a few at a time for months. But, several months after my wedding I got absolutely sick and tired of piles and piles of things in my house. Right before the wedding everything got moved into the house in a huge pile and nothing was put away. Then we got gifts. Tons of beautiful gifts, which also got piled. Eventually I just couldn't take it. I couldn't write thank you notes while my living room was too unorganized to eat dinner at our table or even put up our Christmas tree. So, I started writing fewer and fewer thank you notes and doing more and more cleaning and more tidying. Until one day I just stopped. My house is much better, but the list was never quite completed. Now it's been nearly 18 months since our wedding; a little late to send a thank you note, don't you think? I am so scared to look at that list and see the names of those people I never got to. Petrified. Guess my desk will be messy a little longer...